Bystander Intervention: Reactions You Can Expect from SGBV Survivor's

 “Hello there! I’m here to provide you with a bit of information on the various short and long-term reactions you can expect from survivors who have confronted any violation or violence. I would like to remind you that suggestions on this post should not be taken as a one-size-fits-all approach. What the survivor is  undergoing after having confronted a traumatic experience is normal. What you are going through while supporting a survivor is absolutely okay and typical too!  If you need additional resources or just someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to The Neeti Project."

 Who is a survivor?

A survivor is any individual who identifies as having had their personal space invaded by another person or people, or has encountered sexual and gender-based violence. 

Reactions from the Survivor: 

Immediate Reactions You May Observe from the Survivor:

1. Because every survivor is unique, their trauma may manifest in different ways, based on their personality and their surroundings.

2. During the incident of violence, they may have: 

• attempted to fight the threat or danger without any plan in mind. 
• attempted to flee the threat, meaning, run away from the danger or threat without any plan in mind. 
• frozen, having been unable to move seeing the threat or danger. 
• flopped or played dead if the danger or threat did not go away,  which involves a feeling of dissociation from their body. They may have no memory of what happened. 

3. Other immediate coping strategies or responses that are normal and you may observe from the survivor are: 

• calmness
• panic-stricken 
• anger
• aggression
• violence 
• anxiety
• confusion
• shock
• refusal to accept the event occurred
• numbness
• incomprehensible communication
• unclear memory of the event: Memory regarding the traumatic incident may range from recollecting majority of the incident in chronological order to disordered memory of the event with specific sensory details.  

Long-term Reactions You May Observe from the Survivor:  

1. Because every survivor is unique, their trauma may manifest in different ways, based on their personality and their surroundings.

2. Other more long-term coping strategies or responses that are normal and you may observe from the survivor are: 

• anger
• mistrusting of others
• fear
• nightmares
• sleep disturbances
• intrusive memories, which mean that the survivor gets flashbacks of the event and feel threatened in the present, not realizing that the event occurred in the past. 
• changes in appetite
• self-isolation
• self-blame 
• depression
• substance abuse as a way to cope with extreme emotions or to feel in control
• self- harm (cutting, burning, scratching, piercing, hitting, insertions) as a way to cope with extreme emotions, feel in control, or show others the pain they are experiencing through action. 

Keep in Mind!

• Letting the survivor know that the responses they are experiencing are normal is helpful and conversing about seeking professional help (at the survivor's own time and pace) can be beneficial. 
• It is normal if the survivor does not directly ask you for support or specify what support they require. This is because survivors themselves may not understand what they are experiencing. Taking hints from their communications or behaviors can be useful in grasping what they may require. 
• You can encourage the survivor to take part in activities that you know they may enjoy. Example: shopping, watching a movie, playing games, going to the park, etc. Don't push the survivor to do different activities as a distraction. If the survivor is visibly distressed while engaging in the activity, it is alright to disengage and softly ask what the survivor needs in that moment. Allow the survivor to pursue these activities in their own time, when they are ready. 
• Help the survivor create an emergency list of trusted contacts whom they can get in touch with in case of an emergency like during an episode of self-harm or substance abuse. 
• If the survivor is engaging in self-harm behaviors (cutting, burning, scratching, piercing, hitting, insertions, etc.) or substance abuse encourage them to pursue more healthy alternatives like:
• scribbling or drawing their thoughts out on paper. 
• using a sketch pen to draw on the part of the body that they want to harm. 
• performing a physical activity like jumping or skipping inside the room, or going for a jog or run outside. 
• hugging a soft pillow or stuffed toy really tight. 
• holding an ice cube or ice pack and allowing them to feel the cold sensations on their palms. 
• grounding techniques
• Caring for a survivor isn't about you. Its about the survivor. If you choose to be present for the survivor during the time of their disclosure, healing, and/ or recovery, keep in mind that the survivor may not necessarily disclose or heal the way you would. Everyone is unique and if you observe the survivor undergoing a different healing process, it does not mean they are not recovering at all. It simply means they are different and can choose how much ever time and any process to heal. 

It may be difficult for you - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and perhaps physically -  to be there for the survivor who has undergone A LOT. If you feel like you are unable to be there for the survivor in the best way possible or your presence is deterring the survivor from recovery, then it is absolutely okay to ensure that there are others to fill your place in supporting the survivor and take a step back. However, before you make this decision, it is important to discuss this with the survivor. Good communication is key. 

• Convey how supporting the survivor could possibly prevent the survivor from reaching their full capacity.
• Do not convey how supporting the survivor is stressful for you as this may increase the survivor's existing guilt.  
• Do not take time away from the survivor without discussing it with them first as this could cause the survivor to feel more isolated, lonely, sad, etc. leading to greater self-blame, depression, anxiety, etc. 

If you decide to continue supporting the survivor but require assistance on better managing your states of mind while doing so, click here!