"I have been through multiple traumas": The Voice of a Survivor
"The Neeti Project acknowledges the strength and courage its takes to talk about one's thoughts, emotions, and experiences. We hold deep gratitude towards the survivor who opened up about their experiences and allowed us to share their story through The Neeti Project's Justice for You Research Initiative Platform.
Your voice is powerful.
In the presence of pain, tears, outrage, connection and comfort, devoid of shame and judgement - we stand with you.
Whatever the process may be, we truly hope you find your peace and justice.
We are here with you."
The Words of an Anonymous Survivor of Violence
"I was sexually abused by my uncle as a child. My memories were repressed until my twenties and I only realized later that this was the case. I also come from a patriarchal, emotionally abusive household where my sister and I have had to live through our parents' sado-masochistic relationship and generally have a negligible sense of self worth that I am now trying to develop. I was also physically abused twice by my parents. I have been in a string of abusive mentorships, looking for parental figures and finding abusive patterns all over again. I have been catcalled, stalked and inappropriately touched in public multiple times as a young woman. I was also encouraged to take it for granted that this is normalized and that I should find ways to "be safe". I have been emotionally mistreated by my mother-in-law and was met by punishing silence when I called it out."
"I have been through multiple traumas and suffer from complex PTSD. This affects me on a daily level. It also encourages me to constantly strive towards a world of greater compassion and safety."
"Speaking out about my experiences has been liberating. Seeking help and community has been life-saving. I still have my parents in my life though I am trying to draw better boundaries than before. I haven't bothered to expose my uncle because I am not ready to see him after all these years and the abuse happened decades ago. I do worry sometimes if someone else was abused after me. My younger sister has been safe so that's a solace. My own parents are proponents of the 'karma' theory as an excuse to not call people out. They would rather live in denial than speak out about their daughter's abuse. This makes me sad but it's their choice. I choose to distance myself from them and do the best I can with what I have without triggering too much trauma at any given moment."
"No. The current legal and social systems are terrible. They are based on guilt, shame and corruption. I wouldn't even know where to begin to report what has been done to me. I certainly don't believe there would be any success in a cost -benefit analysis. Cultural norms normalize certain kinds of violence. I prefer to claim my identity as a survivor in semi private spaces that I know are relatively safe."
"No."
"First, empathy and non-judgmental presence. To be told 'it's not your fault' forever. Psychosomatic education to deal with trauma and rebuild life again. Systems and spaces that are compassionate, safe, freeing (at this point these seem a bit imaginary). Financial and temporal support for healing through the trauma. Apology and reparation."
"Deep rooted patriarchy and capitalistic power structures minimize the damage they inflict on the powerless. The damage is complex."
"Empathy, compassion, deep listening, grounding, somatic awareness, strong boundaries, patience, consistency."
"It's too complex an answers. A lot of violence is normalized and doesn't even show up on the radar of upholders of justice. A much larger attitudinal change would be at the heart of legal and political change."
Q: What do you think perpetrators of SGBV/ any violations need to reform?
"Intergenerational trauma"
Q: Do you think perpetrators of SGBV or any violation/s have few options that can aid them in reformation in our community? If yes, why do you think perpetrators have few options in our community?
"Certainly. The first step is to recognize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. While society continued to turn a blind eye to ubiquitous violence, options for reform will remain limited because the problem is too subtle to approach."
Q: Do you think issuing bail bonds or imprisoning perpetrators of violence/ violations is increasing accountability for their actions?
"No."
Q: Do you think issuing bail bonds or imprisoning perpetrators of violence/ violations for their actions is allowing them to learn and grow?
"No"
Q: Does it matter to you if perpetrators admit to their wrongdoing, take responsibility for their actions, and learn from their mistakes. If yes, why? If no, why not?
"Yes. People act out of trauma, ignorance, and unresolved emotions. If perpetrators could recognize accountability and invest in change for themselves, there is great hope for society to become healthier as a whole."
Q: What do you think should be taught to perpetrators of violation/s or violence (either in prison or any other setting) for them to transform, learn, and become accountable for their actions?
"Trauma informed approaches of therapy, art practices, anything that anyone else would be taught to heal deep rooted wounds."
Q: What skills do you think are necessary for people who deal with perpetrators keeping in mind that they need to take accountability for harmful, violent and abusive behaviors?
"Compassion, patience, strong boundaries, clear understanding of their own limitations and needs, therapeutic support."
Q: Is perpetrator accountability equivalent to justice according to you? If yes, why? If no, why not?
"It's a complex question based on context. Every story has a different impact and intent and I don't believe that a one size fits all approach can work for this."
Q: Abandoning any ideas about the current criminal justice system or the law – what would justice look like to you after confronting a sexual violation or violence?
"Again, deeply rooted in context. I have faced multiple levels of violence and my answer for each of them would change based on how I feel at different times. There is no one answer. The one thing that feels ubiquitous is that justice means that the victim can own their selfhood and be able to live with integrity again."
Q: What kinds of community infrastructure do you think we can create to support more safety, transparency, sustainability, care and connection? (Example: Community safe houses, imparting skills to the community to intervene when violence occurs, etc.)
"Practical education and awareness of values towards safety for all ages."
Q: What are some of the harmful ways in which we treat each other that help set the stage for violence and abuse, and how can we change this?
"Sweeping issues under the rug, ignoring mental health, lack of conversation about boundaries, buying into patriarchy and other hierarchical forms of power abuse."
Q: Abandoning any ideas about the current criminal justice system or the law – I would prefer a system which assesses and addresses:
"(A) harm done to the SGBV survivor.
(B) the survivor's needs,
(C) who is obligated to address these needs,
(D) how can the perpetrator be involved in making things right and prevent future reoffence."
Q: Do you think it is possible to create an alternative system, that follows a model of justice that is survivor-centric and allows for perpetrator reform?
"Yes."
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